305 Orphanage Road
ERDINGTON
BIRMINGHAM
October 15th. 1936
My Dear Betty,
Writing a letter at half past six in the morning is a strange occupation for me, but it gives you a cold clear feeling which is very sweet and novel. I purposely avoided writing last night, anyone can babble in the warm late hours. Instead I re-wrote the first thousand words of that story, sharpened it up and cut two pages. An improvement.
Well ! Of course, I expected that you and I would advance swiftly beyond the mere acquaintance friendship, but it is slightly unnerving isn’t it, and very exciting and all sorts of things. You must be careful, my impetuous and sweet young friend, for poor me is a good hearted willing fellow but with a few slight scars which are inevitable after thirty years of knocking about. I feel that you and I have a very great deal in common, and the same outlook and attitude to life and living is the soundest and the surest foundation to friendship. In fact, true friendship can rest only on these foundations. We must go gently, for although the pulse-beating pleasure of physical friendship, be it disguised under gay playfulness or not may be delicious and inspiring, but it must go alongside a deeper quieter companionship. I feel that we, you and I with so many common ideas and hopes, can create this deep companionship, and in that we can find much richness and a colour for the pattern of living.
But we don’t know, we must find out. We must treat this new adventure respectfully, The companionship of a girl for whom I have both intellectual respect and physical attraction has long been missing in my life, and I know that when I can find it, – and I was beginning to despair – then I shall be infinitely richer in living. It has always been my wish to find someone to do things for, someone to give to, to be proud of, to have ready to achieve things for. I have tentatively tried and always have I failed. But I feel that perhaps, if you and I handle this new discovery of ourselves carefully and restrainedly, that we shall each find a richer note behind life.
This is bombastic, damn it. I am sure we need not worry about our difference in age. After all, we are contemporaries, we are both post war, and soon we shall feel confident of each other. But don’t get idealistic about me, my dear. I want you to know me, as I am, or rather, as I shall be when you and I are “good companions”, and to like me for that. Not for what you imagine I am, not for me as Jack, bless him, sees me through the kindly eyes of a rather rare friendship, but me, as I am. Not a very extraordinary chap, though with some fire and a stubborn and dangerous determination to achieve some place in the world of letters.
This twist to my nature makes me a somewhat evanescent person, not quite so steady and bread and butter as those lucky people without ambition. But as I am, or as I can be, with you spiritually or physically at my side, I’ll rend lions.
I won’t tell old Jack that we are progressing along a dizzy path. Time for that later. He’ll analyse us !! But if we may go on being friends, and finding out about each other I shall be very happy, and I too have my dreams, and my visions, which are easily malleable so that they could be poured into the mould which is you.
We’ll meet again soon, and try out my reading lamp, both on and off, and the Lord help us. Bless you and thankyou for last night, and come quickly the next evening.
Very concernedly and warmly your
